Ghost's Existence
by Dying With A Smile
Summary: Even if I don’t feel like I exist, at least I can be recognized as a ghost. One that treads with dead feet. NxM
1. Chapter I: The Inability to Say Love

**Title: **Ghost's Existence  
**Author: **Etsuko O. Daikama/Dying With A Smile

**Rating: **T  
**Category: **Romance/General  
**Pairing(s): **NxM

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gakuen Alice.  
**Summary: **Even if I don't feel like I exist, at least I can be recognized as a ghost. One that treads with dead feet. NxM

**Notes: **May contain OCCness. Natsume's POV.

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_"The more you ignore me, the more I feel like a ghost. The idea of you and I being together taunts me but the reality loves to haunt me."_

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I sat there in my seat, watching her chat idly with her friends like I don't exist. Maybe I don't exist, maybe I never did. I could be a wretched ghost, spectating the human species without their knowing. I don't let such a thing bother me; it never did, so why should it now? It could be the fact that whenever I see her, she just treats me like a ghost. But whenever she comes near me with her exotic scent that I crave every morning and night, she ignores me. At least that's what I used to think she did to me. But now I feel only like a ghost.

No, it wasn't just her that made me feel like a ghost; just the majority of it all. Others from this school make me feel like a ghost, too. I'm amazed that I've never got beaten up by any of the school's stupid jocks. But I should feel happy about that, shouldn't I? I've seen the jocks beat some defenseless kids up and I don't stand up for them. Possibly, I could've gained my existence again if I did that. Maybe I will later on today (maybe I can get _someone's_ attention).

If there was anything I was happy about myself would be my strength. After constant one-to-one training with a freak that I used to call "master," I have gained an undeniably well-built strength. Something to be proud about and something that can stroke one's ego—something I used to have until this girl came and pulverized it. There are times that I completely hate her and want to pulverize her myself but do you know how hard that is? You'd think it'd be easy to simply stick a knife into her body and hear her scream in agony but it's difficult for me.

Why? Because over the years of seeing her pulverize my ego one step at a time (really agonizing and annoying, but I guess "good"), I have come to… lo—I can't even mentally say it. She may have crushed my ego but my pride still lives. There's always something there to stop me from doing anything stupid—which is confessing that I "like" her. What, I can't say lo—yeah, I can't. But she thinks it's romantic when a guy confesses to her, which could be any guy in this entire dump that's been labeled as a school. I have seen many guys fall to their knees and pronounce their feelings to her. It's just as annoying as she flips her hair and they swoon.

And may I add, whenever a guy swoons, it is really creepy. I ought kick them square in the butt and tell them to grow up. There's nothing wrong with a guy liking a girl. What do you think I'm doing? I "like" a girl and it happens to be a girl who doesn't know I exist. But the guy should be the dominant figure in the relationship, not the female. It's always been that way and it should remain the same. And look how far we've gotten. I'm adding this, it's not corrupted, it's just some men weren't raised right and they're pretty lazy to fix it. Nothing else. I don't know what got you thinking that.

Now back to the whole guy swooning over—yeah. If there's any guy in this school that really needs to grow up and stop craving for the girl's body would be Mochu. Every time I think of that guy's name, mocha comes up. His parents were possibly thinking of what to name him and were drinking mocha at the time. …Now I'm seeing what Andou meant for me to socialize more. I hate it when he's right. Continuing from where I left off; that Mochu guy has a locker full of her pictures and whenever he opens his locker, he just sees her. He salivates over her pictures and if possible, he'll melt into a puddle whenever he sees her. Honestly, he needs some help.

I saw her slowly turn her head toward the boy that was calling out her name. "Koizumi-san!" he yelled out breathlessly. He was holding a pink slip in his hands and it could be, from what I'm guessing, a love letter. But why the color pink? Just because it's one of the two colors of like (I'm not going to bother to say it if I can't)? Pink and red? That's one thing I'm slightly happy about; my eyes are the color of red.

"Yes?" came her soft voice that sounded like an angel from heaven—I've got stop hanging around Andou whenever he's lovesick like a young boy who faced hormones for the first time.

"T-This," he stuttered and looked down to the pink envelope like it's going to give him some confidence. Quickly, he bowed his head and shoved the envelope into Koizumi's personal bubble. (Note to self: stay away from Aoi when she does yoga.) "Here," he mumbled and waited for her to take it.

Like it shocked her, she placed a hand on her chest and her mouth gaped open a bit. With the free hand, she took the envelope and smiled politely to the young boy. "Thank you," came the words that made the boy look up. She stared at the envelope and softly ripped it open with her forefinger. She pulled the letter out and read it silently to herself. After an amount of unbearable silence for the young fellow, she started to laugh like he made a joke in there purposefully.

But unfortunately for the fellow, that's how she reacts to a confession. She laughs **at** them for doing it and gives them a small applause for the effort. If that's the way she reacts, then why does she find it so romantic when a guy confesses his feelings for her? I guess you now see why I don't come near her or even bother to try to write a letter for her. She'll laugh at me like she did with all the other males in this school population.

But still, I admit that I lo—damn, still can't say it.

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**A/N: **I love writing in Natsume's POV. I've done it a couple of times whenever I got bored. I bet you're wondering why I chose Britney-Spears-poser Luna to act for this part. Well, you'll see in the future. I give no spoilers to those that are young.

I got inspired by rainypromise. I just went on her profile and clicked something that led me to her multiply site. It had some parts of fanfictions and I didn't technically read them, I just saw how she put the story parts on her site and thought it looked pretty fancy. So I decided to try out the fancy look and re-adjusted some parts.

To be honest, this wasn't even supposed to be a Gakuen Alice fanfic. Just a random story about a shy guy that's sulking over a girl. So at the beginning I felt like a creepy lesbian (to let you know, I am not. I ought to smack you across your pretty face if you refuse to believe that) and then after a while of deciding to have Natsume play the sulking guy (my bad), I didn't really see myself as that. (_-shrugs-_)

I want to say something with "happy." So I guess, happy writing everyone! 8D

- Etsuko O. Daikama


	2. Chapter II: My Damn Life

**Ghost's Existence**

_Written by Dying With A Smile_

**Chapter II – My Damn Life  
**  
わたしの 最低の 生活

_"Happiness is a ghostly figure of which that used to belong to me, but now, no longer pertains to my life."_

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**Notes: **_It already seems like OCCness is presented in this. So I guess there's no need for a warning for this chapter. I'm glad no one asked me for an age about this. I guess I'll go bake some cookies…_

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It wasn't a coincidence that she was standing right there and a group of jocks were stomping down the hallway to beat some defenseless child. It probably was destiny; I could take advantage of this moment and stand up for the child that will soon be squished into his locker without doing anything wrong. Punishment for no reason; I remember how that was like. It took up most of my life and destroyed some of the emotions that I used to have. Happiness was one of them. I could never smile and laugh like I saw other children do. Whenever I forced myself, it would be awkward. I decided to not try it because already, it's not a part of me. Just of whom I used to be.

I watched from a corner and no one thought I looked suspicious or like I was trying to hide from someone. They didn't know my name—no one knew my name. Like a local business, only some know but the rest, they either don't care or haven't heard of it. Mostly, they don't give it a time of day like what the school's population does with me. For all I know, they probably don't give me a look whether it was a "checking out" look or a nasty one. Simply, they don't give me any look, they just ignore me. One time, a guy bumped into me and he thought it was a wall. I was in the middle of the hallway, how stupid can you get?

One of the jocks was picking the kid up by the shirt, lifting his feet off the ground. The kid tried kicking but only hit air, thus making the group of jocks laugh in union. I narrowed my eyes at the sight of them; it disgusted me to no end. It was about time I made my move toward them. Moving out from the corner, I started stomping my feet against the hallway floor with my tight fists to my sides. I was ready to sock all of them in the face and show them how it feels to be toyed around with. I was a foot away from them but then a blonde-haired boy jumped right in front of me. By his jersey t-shirt, I could already tell he was one of them. Either way, I'll sock him too.

"Stop what you're doing!" he yelled at the five of them. I can feel his anger radiate into the thin air; it wasn't all that strong compared to mine. I'm not trying to be arrogant, it's just I practiced with anger more than he ever did. I saw this blonde boy before; he joked and laughed with his group of jock friends. I believe he was the same as them. "What did he ever do to you?" asked the boy with a flicker of sternness in his voice.

The jock that was holding the defenseless child by the shirt rolled his eyes and dropped the kid. The kid landed with a thud to the ground, butt first. Intimidated by the situation, the kid got out as quickly as possible. He scuffled in his place first before he could get up properly to his feet and ran off into the never-ending hallway. "Calm down, Nogi," the jock said. "We were having a little fun with him until you came in."

Nogi… Ruka Nogi. That's right; he was number one in the popularity count. Now I remember that list. It was made by a group of girls who were bored out of the mind and decided to make a list. Heck, I don't think I'm even _on_that list. But that's to be expected when nobody knows you exist. If I was on the list—which would be dead-last—I could predict what the students will be saying, "Who's Natsume Hyuuga?" The boy who's invisible to everyone but at least got noticed by _someone_ in the whole school.

"You guys always say that whenever I catch you about to hit another student," Nogi said with a taunting bitterness in his voice. First time I ever heard that because I heard "he's a prince charming" from most of the girls in the school. Even the girls that are labeled as geeks and nerds. I would've expected them to go after their own kind but that's also to be expected for them to admire "an amazing guy" from afar. I did realize that he was, indeed, nice. A little too nice for him to catch the attention of Koizumi.

"Does it bother you?" asked the jock in a taunting voice. If Nogi came over to stop them, not to add more commotion, then no kidding that it bothers him. In fact, it bothers me also to see them go day in and day out beat the souls out of the living.

"Why wouldn't it?" Nogi asked as he stepped up closer to the jock. Even though Nogi was shorter than the jock, he was trying to be intimidating. I'll clap for him for the effort, not that it was a well-done one. I know how a well-done intimidation is and it's nowhere near that. You have to have a sharp look in your eye, something that will intimidate the offender when you look at them sharply. "It's quite disgraceful for you to be on such a great team and use your strength to hurt others. What grand amount of stupidity you have…"

As I stand behind the insulting blonde, I admit that the last blow was pretty smart. But truly, he could do better than that. I've seen his ex-girlfriends talk cheaply about an obese woman on a bench. When Nogi found out, he immediately dumped them. Well, from what I've heard. I don't know the whole story since I'm not the one asking questions. I'm just one who listens intently to what people say but usually, don't take them all too seriously; just a small amount.

The jock bent his upper body downward to Nogi, taunting him without any words just actions and that's all you need to get one mad. He chuckled wickedly—at least to me, he sounded just like an old hag of a witch. "Really?" the jock's teeth showed as his smirk broadened to a grin. "I do recall seeing you hit someone in the face before, no—wait, I think you hit a guy in the crotch before because he angered you a lot. What did he do exactly?" He lifted his chin in the air and placed his forefinger on his chin. He looked like a dork. "Oh yes, didn't he take your girl on a date before?"

""That girl" is no longer my girlfriend, so it doesn't bother me, plus he never took her on a date so I never hit him in the crotch before," Nogi said so casually. "I swear," he lifted his right fist quickly and it hit me square in the face. Before he could continue his vow, he said, "What was that? I could've sworn I hit something but I don't see anything." That was to be predictable, just like all the other statements that I've heard before. This one was one of them.

Apparently, Nogi hit me so hard that it knocked me out. Who knew he had it in him? For a fact, it was not me. I was aware that he was on the basketball team but that doesn't necessarily make him strong. All you do in basketball is dribble an orange-colored ball and throw it into the hoops to score a couple of points. I guess I wasn't aware what practice they had for basketball; but I'm sure they're just running around and shooting in some hoops, nothing else. But I heard that the coach makes them do ten push-ups if they miss a shot during practice. If that was true then I pity them.

Feeling like I was gaining my consciousness, I smelt the air; the scent smelt like it belonged to a hospital. Upon the smelling of the air, I decided to open my eyes carefully. I flinched at the bright light that was burning my eyes. Quickly, I shaded my eyes with my hand and I was able to see the ceiling. Maybe I was still in the hallway for a long time and no one noticed me on the ground unconscious. Slowly starting to get up, I pushed my weights onto my hands so I can lift myself. I looked around the room once more; it was certain that this was not the hallway.

I saw a picture on a wall that was laminated and thumb-tacked to a board. It was about the human body and showed a non-detailed picture of the inside of a human being. Not all that thrilling; I used to see things like this when I was child. Back when I was training with my "master," I was consistently taken to the hospital because of my fatal wounds. Other times I was taken in because of minor injuries but my "master" didn't know what to do because he was uneducated in the certain area of health and the human body.

"I thought you would never wake up," said a voice that I wished was Koizumi's but it was bit too high to belong to her. I turned to see a girl with auburn-honey hair that was styled with a childish choice of pigtails. As a teenage girl, it did not suit quite so well for her. It probably would have worked for her if she was still a child, but alas, she is no longer considered a "child" of young age but rather a torturous age where pressure begins and taunts you never-endingly.

"Who are you?" I asked her but hid my surprise in my stomach. "And how do you know me?" The true question is: is she really talking to me? Or did I miss the fact that she could be talking to another student in the nurse's office (after taking a glance around the place, it's easy to come up with this)? Weren't there two beds in this office anyway? I took a glance behind me; indeed, there were two beds but no one was in the other bed. Were she and I the only ones in this room?

She smiled with her lips, baring no teeth to show. "Well, my name is Sakura, Mikan," she said. I felt her happiness radiate so abundantly that it became like a still wind. I can feel it against my flesh and it felt sickening because I was not used to it. "What's your name?" The look in her eyes seemed as if she was so interested with me.

Narrowing my eyes, I retorted, "I was the one asking questions; answer my other one first before you ask." This could be one of the reasons I don't have any friends. It was my attitude toward people of any kind. I treated them wrongly even if they didn't do anything to me. But I was not used to anyone coming to me since I was the ghost of the school. The school was different to begin with; if you wanted to be known, you have to do something to make yourself known; otherwise you could be counted as a ghost like I am.

I saw her puff her cheeks childishly. Is she childish all around? "Geez," she mumbled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I was just asking for your name and politely nonetheless." She is right (much to my displeasure—to be honest, I hate it when others are right), she asked for my name and politely and I cast my attitude at her? To think I thought of myself better than the jocks in kindness, apparently I had them beat for the lack of kindness.

"Fine," I muttered under my breath. I sighed inaudibly and gave her an answer, "Nogi, Ruka." I saw her frown droop even lower that it can't be judged as a frown. Rather a displeased look or one that is disbelieving. I saw one of her eyebrows perk higher in her face, lightly passing over the forehead invisible line.

"Don't lie to me," she said in a soft voice that leaned more to a monotone than a bubbly one. "I know who Nogi-kun is and you're certainly not him. But I think I remember your name because I've seen you before." Seen me before? That's must be impossible; when you're labeled as the school's ghost, there's a reason for it. "Hyuuga… Natsume."

She got it right and it shocked me. I got a glimpse of happiness—not a lot, a _glimpse_—as I saw the beauty of novelty in this current moment. Never had I felt like a love-sicken fool until now. No, I am not in love with this person. Too fall in love that quickly is to be considered stupid; it takes time to fully understand and cherish memories you have with a person to find out that you passionately love them. What I meant by "love-sicken fool" (which is to be viewed as an adjective from now on) is that someone is happy and they'll act like a fool for it. I know, it still looks like a noun but to put it simply in a way as an adjective: foolishly happy. There, happy?

No one had been able to recognize my name at school before. In fact, I don't think they knew my name existed so it never was implanted in their brains. So the only thing I could think of that would be logical was, "You're a stalker." Why would anyone want to stalk me would be a good question. Although I'm afraid to ask.

Her mouth gaped open and dropped while her chocolate orbs opened wider than before. The look on her face was humorous. Maybe I should do this more often just to get a silent laugh out of it. I haven't laughed in a long time so I see no harm in this. "I'm the stalker?" Standing up from the seat she was sitting on, she pointed an accusing finger at me. "That's rich because the last time I checked, you were stalking Luna-san!"

"And you know this how?" I asked.

"So you admit!" she yelled in my face as her forefinger touched the tip of my nose. "You _are _a stalker!" I hate her persistence, but it does slightly remind me Aoi when she was trying to be right. But I always win in every situation with her and judging this Sakura-girl, I could beat her as easily as I do with Aoi.

"I'm not a stalker," I exasperated. "I admit that I _watch_ her; nothing more and nothing less. But how do you know that I watch her? Are you a stalker yourself but too ashamed to admit?"

She bit onto her bottom lip, from what I'm guessing, to calm herself down. She closed her eyes, probably to not look at me. Lowering her hand very slowly, she breathed in and out to soothe her frustration. Making her mad is probably the most entertaining thing to do all day. Watching her fume in rage and then calms herself down; let's see if she can succeed at that.

"No, I'm not; I'm like what you said about yourself," she answered. Her eyelids fluttered open and she stopped chewing on her lip. "But it's already obvious that you like Luna-san; everyone knows that." Everyone? It could be me and her only that knows that. She's probably the only one in this whole entire school that knows I exist. Maybe she doesn't exist like I do or something. Who knows, she could even be one of those girls who have weird powers to see dead things.

"Everyone, you say?" I questioned her and watched her nod her head like it was confirmed. "Go ask one of your friends if they know who I am and then ask yourself, "is that everyone?"" OK, I might've sounded like I was more irritated than I was. Sure, people are ignorant like the Sakura-girl here. A complete ignorant person is one that doesn't know they're ignorant at all. I assume she's a complete ignorant person just like the next one.

"I have," she informed me smugly. "And my friend, Hotaru, says she hates you. I don't know what you did or how you met, but all I know is that she hates you." Well, isn't that fantastic? The two people who know I exist in this school hate me. I don't need the Sakura-girl to say that she hates me; I already know that she does.

Wait a minute—did she say 'Hotaru?' As in Imai, Hotaru? Well, the only way to not be ignorant in a situation like this is to ask for questions and demand for answers. "Do you mean, Imai, Hotaru?" I asked the girl who nodded in return. I met that impassive girl back when my parents were still alive. Her parents and my parents were business partners and so they let us (Imai and me) meet one day. I had a bad day when we met, so I insulted her. Apparently, she didn't like the idea of being called a 'twit.' Not only did she insult me afterward, but she broke my favorite plastic sword too. I thought of her as a sadist and an idiot.

"So I'm assuming that you have met my best friend," Sakura said. "What did you do that made her hate you?"

I narrowed my eyes once again, "Nothing of significance." And that was plain true. What happened between that impassive female and I was nothing of significance and none of the Sakura-girl's business. It's not that I find it embarrassing, it's just that was the way our relationship began and it will stick to it till the end of our lives.

She rolled her eyes at me, finding my short my explanation non-believable. Only an ignorant person will act like that. Not that I care whether she is an ignorant person or not, it's just logical. "Oh, really?" she asked with a tone that sounded like a taunt. "If it's not of any significunce—"

"Significance," I corrected.

"Whatever," she said. She sounded just like Luna's friends, people I do hate. "If your past wasn't important, then would you mind telling me it?"

"Yes," I answered immediately like I knew exactly what she was going to say. When you have enough time to observe people, everything becomes predictable. She was one of those predictable people; ones that I found boring over time because I knew every move and word they'll make.

Sakura; that oddly sounds familiar after thinking about it. Oh right, Koizumi has said that she hated Sakura. She (Koizumi) and I are on the same terms about hating Sakura. I hate how she's predictable, how persistent she is and stubborn, not to mention childish. The immaturity of the girl annoys me to no end. Tch, she can't even pronounce significance right. I probably spent five to ten minutes with her and I hate her because I judged her as a person.

"And how would—"

"Look," I interrupted her. "You see me alive and awake; you can leave me alone now."

"I'm not leaving until you feel better," she stubbornly said.

"Are you stupid?" I asked, feeling tired of trying to cope with my sense of being calm. "I said I'm alive and awake."

"I heard what you said," she argued back. "But can you move your legs?"

Move my legs? What's that supposed to mean? I smugly smirked at her and said, "Of course." So I slowly lifted one leg and I winced when I felt a sharp pain go through my legs. "What did you do?" I accused her.

"I didn't do anything," she replied. "I saw people crushing your legs by walking on them. I thought it was pitiful that you were being stomped on." Of course that would be predictable. I'm still the ghost that haunts the school's hallways and classes.

I fell back onto the bed and sighed; can this day get any worse? First, I thought I would be able to get Koizumi's attention by standing up for a defenseless kid but I got knocked out accidentally by Nogi. Then I meet an annoying girl who actually sees me. I sigh once again.

This must be the first chapter of my damn life._  
_

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**A/N: **No, Natsume, it's the second. And possibly, it might get worse. Let's see how I cope with this and then maybe we'll see how it will be like. I'm already working on the third chapter for this; still on the first page though.

And Blizzel, maybe I could make you a Luna-bashing fanfic—that'd be fun.

Peace out to anyone who wants peace!

- Etsuko O. Daikama


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